Mama B. Blog

Random musings from Mama B, mother of three. All sorts of useful and useless information for ANYONE interested in whatever strikes my fancy - from art to parenting issues to celebrity gossip etc. Check in to MamaB Blog every day for multiple updates. It's never dull here!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Pam Rock Gets Hitched and Mad Max Gets Arrested



Pamela Anderson Lee married Kid Rock in St. Tropez Saturday on a yacht that was covered to ward off circling paparazzi. Didn't she already do the ocean wedding thing with Tommy Lee? Yes, I know she is all about Baywatch. But, come on now, can't we deviate for the second wedding? If only to make the poor groom feel not so ...used?

See perezhilton.com for more photos.




In response to an embarrassing tirade during a DUI arrest, former/recovering/off the wagon alcoholic Mel Gibson said:

"I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. [I am taking the] necessary steps to ensure my return to health. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person. I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable."

(In case your head has been in the sand, Mel basically let it be known that he isn't very fond of the Jews and that he pretty much blames them for everything that has ever gone wrong in the world, ever.)

Thursday, July 27, 2006

This is Just Creepy



You can see Angelina's nips for god's sake!
What do you think Jen would do if she got a hold of these things?

A Silly Little Story

After the comments I received from the last post, I thought I'd keep this one on the lighter side...

PENDING MARRIAGE

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It
was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived,
and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up
and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a
beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are
very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car........

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Apocalypse Now?

I flipped on CNN today to be greeted with a "spiritual correspondent" who was deliberating the idea of whether or not we are nearing the end of days. Wow. It has been a long couple of days in my house hold, lots going on. Nothing serious or bad, just very active and draining, very normal. But, to be so tired and to be confronted with such a deep pondering on a news show was... Terrifying.
Part of me was laughing at the media. Always grasping for content that will somehow impact the viewers enough to prevent them from turning the channel. Is the media another form of terrorism, I wonder? If we turn it off, are we missing out on anything of true value? Is it possible to stay abreast of current events without getting obsessed with getting ALL of the information, now?
Do we really need images of each bomb that is dropped by Hezbollah. Doesn't that give them more power and a greater ability to have pride in their devastation? I just imagine these goons sitting there after a day of bombing, flipping on CNN so they can watch all of the commentators analyze their destruction. Is this a gift that we should be giving these people? The ability to see what they have done, over and over. Maybe that is why so many of them are recruited to the "dark side". Kind of like the arsenist who is standing in the crowd, watching the building burn.
Maybe we should start a movement away from watching the news. If something major happens, sign up for email bulletins and have them sent to you. Then you can turn on the TV to watch something of real value, like say... American Idol! There's a show that will challenge your intelligence. In the meanwhile, enjoy your life. Take a nap and read wonderful websites like www.raptureready.com where you can find out about all of the latest world events, see how they add up in terms of the prophecies in the bible and see if we are truly headed for the end of days. That's exactly what I want to know about just before I tuck my kids in at night.

(Where are Britney, Jessica, and Lindsay when you need some good gossip? Come on guys, slip a nip or something... soon! )



Okay, Beckham will do. What other man can look this good in a speedo? There isn't one. Look at this guy!

Friday, July 21, 2006

There's Just Not That Much Going On Except...

In terms of gossip, there are two things inquiring minds might want to know.




Nicole Richie passed out while shopping at Kitson yesterday. She claimed it was due to heat but turned down food when they offered her something to eat. She did take water though (doesn't add to the waste line too much).



Secondly,at a taping for the Tonight show yesterday, a woman shouted at Colin Farrel about him stalking her. What I find so funny is that this sounds so similar to those little newspaper clips that Leno does where people say stupid things. Kind of like, if Colin is stalking you, then why are YOU shouting at him while he is doing an interview? Stalk much?

In other news... We are in World War III. In case anyone has any doubt, watch the news. It is pretty darn scary. So, here is my idea. Mama B says "maybe we all just need to pray for someone to come to earth to help everyone just get along! I don't care who you pray to, God, Allah, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, whoever, just PRAY! Pray for peace. Pray for the world to be calm and for everyone to stop all of this fighting. Pray for the war to end soon. Pray for the world to be a safe and peaceful place so that our children and their children can enjoy life. They deserve it. And while you are at it... Recycle, ride a bike and smile when you meet eyes with someone." I think it will work. So, tonight when you go to bed, close your eyes, listen to your breath and think about all of the good things you had in your day. Then think about the day the people of Haifa, Beirut, Baghdad, Afghanistan and Java had. That might help you think of where to start.

This world is such a beautiful place. It is a shame that people (throughout history) have been more concerned with ruling each other rather than appreciating the gift of life and celebrating it together. Have a party. Enjoy your family, friends and neighbors because you never know when this life you live will end. Make the most of it.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW --- BUT PROBABLY DON'T

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it’s made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana)
paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle."

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller (not).

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He
was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces
will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's
stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because
in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the
upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored
the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo DaVinci could write with one hand and draw with the other
at the same time. (Hence, multitasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II
were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a
recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange,
purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to
paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23 A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad
and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a
Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have
$1.19 , you also have the largest amount of money in coins without being
able to make change for a dollar (good to know).

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink
in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless).

27. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.


28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player
for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the
Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece
of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with
apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying


31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most
often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a space suit damages it.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a
lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are
still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in
America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her ass
off to jail."

Marriage Should NOT Be Legal in Hollywood




Case in point... Pamela Anderson was married to Tommy Lee, but got divorced after having two kids. A few years later, she was engaged to Kid Rock. Bare with me here... In the meanwhile, Dave Navarro marries Carmen Electra (previously divorced from husband of the year Dennis Rodman). Earlier this year, Dave and Carmen were reportedly on the rocks but denied every second of it and are now admitting that they are splitting (shocker). So, Dave goes out and swings tongues with Tommy Lee (totally normal for a straight man) and now Pamela and Kid are engaged again. Isn't this fun?

Check out Perezhilton, popsugar.com and hollywoodtuna.com for more deets.

Owen Wilson is hilarious.

"I don't really like massages, but since it was part of the room deal I decided to try it to relieve some stress.They gave me a towel and I head into this little room and this guy comes in and that's not exactly my dream massage. Then the guy starts working on me and he's like, 'Are you married?' I said no and he kind of keeps working on me, then he asks, 'Here with your girlfriend?' And even though I was only here with Luke [Wilson] I said,'Yes! I'm here with my girlfriend' because at that point he'd begun doing what I can only describe as these little porn slaps on my back. I felt so kind of like - dirty."

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Get it?

A middle aged man was shopping in his neighborhood supermarket when an attractive woman approached him. She stopped in front of him and said "Hi." He smiled and then asked if he knew her. She quickly said that while he might not remember her, he was the father of one of her kids.

Shocked, he tried to remember her but finally asked if she was the only woman that he had ever cheated on his wife with. "Are you the stripper at my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table in front of all of my buddies while your stripper partner beat my ass with celery sticks?" "No" she said. Your son is in my math class.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Does He Need Someone to Help Tie His Shoes?



Poor guy. Usually pretty easy on the eyes though.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Real Truth About Gossip



So, I told you a few days ago that I was pretty disenchanted with the whole gossip thing. Not really thrilled about the Hollywood droids anymore. I was wondering why people (including myself) have been so drawn to gossip of late, more so than ever. And I realized what it is all about.

Every day, you turn on the news or open a page to find out about the war your country is in, the wars other countries are starting, another country with nuclear weapons, another country that hates Americans, missiles being tested and aimed at your country, protestors and marches against the president and government in general, bird flu, mad cow disease, PCBs and mercury in fish, threats of terrorism, memories of terrorist destruction. We receive phone calls or emails about friends, children or parents who are suffering and dying from cancer. We are accosted by and succumb to our own road rage that is only exacerbated by our tight schedules and narrowminded self-centeredness.

Some of us try to be the supportive caring types, while others of us are just plain wrapped up in ourselves (maybe we all have a little bit of each of these traits to some degree). Our friends, our loved ones and we ourselves get married and find ourselves struggling to maintain our sanity in a life that we have chosen or that has chosen us. And if we don't find ourselves struggling, we are plagued by guilt because so many people around us are having a rough go of it. Everyday, we are surrounded by our own personal struggles, our country's struggles and the struggles of those around us.

WHen it happens that we stumble upon a story about Charlie Sheen and Denise Richard's love triangle with Heather Locklear and David Spade and whoever else gets dragged in there, it helps us to tune out our own drama and point the finger at someone else who is more fucked up than we are. It makes us feel a little better about ourselves that Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson look like total asses because by the third season of the Newlyweds, they were headed for divorce and had no idea how it happened. Gives us something to talk about other than the cancer, the autism, the war or the divorce of someone we know.

And that my friends, is where gossip stands. It's purpose is to entertain us. Much like a movie, to take us away from our daily lives and give us a little something else to focus on. That is why these celebrities get paid so much. That is why these people chose their profession. If they want to remain anonymous, they can't expect to go on screen in front of millions of Americans who are looking to them for entertainment (on screen and off). That's the job description these days. If they don't like it, they should head to the stage, not the screen.

In the meanwhile, the rest of us will be checking Perezhilton, Pink is the New Blog, Egotastic, Popsugar, Hollywoodtuna and MamaBBlog for some conversation topics! Cheers to Us Weekly, In Touch and Star for starting us all on our way to celebrity gossip addiction!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I'm back!!!

Sorry for being a bit out of touch in the past few days. Life is crazy in the summer for a mother of three. Fun, but crazy. Between shooting videos, driving kids to camp, playdates and nap schedules, it is hard to get to email, much less write in this blog!

Anyway, gossip has been pretty lame lately. I am sick of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey and most of all, K Fed. I don't want to read about them, much less write about them and that seems to be all anyone ever writes about on any of the tabloid sites. And I don't want to post a picture of some celebrity's armpit hair, makeupless face or cellulite because lord knows I am certainly far from perfect. So, am I over the gos? Probably not.

Rest assured, I'll fill you in if and when anything juicy comes up, but for now. Here is a nice picture of a third time pregnant Heidi Klum. I hope she just keeps popping the babies out. She looks great. It's sickening really, but she looks fab. (I guess that's why she is a SUPER model and not just a plain old woman).

Sunday, July 09, 2006

A Little Laugh For Your Day

PEARLY GATES

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." Then I yelled, "Now, back off or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago"


THE REDHEAD

A gorgeous young redhead went into a doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" the doctor said. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her hip and screamed. Then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Old Italian Mafia

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me, I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddaup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business....you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then.....pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?"

Sorry for being a bit lax on the Gos lately...




After spending ten days in the middle of Idaho, I have been having some issues with the superficiality/lame factor of gossip, especially when it involves celebrity. Why do so many people love it (most Americans, myself included) so much? I do not feel like it is beneath me (certainly not, I love the stuff). But, why is it that when I stand in line at the grocery check out, I cannot help but toss in an In Touch or Us Weekly, EVEN WHEN I HAVE ALREADY READ ALL OF THE "STORIES" ON THE NET A WEEK BEFORE!?

It doesn't make anyone smarter. It doesn't make the world a better place. Gossip is really a lot of negativity. So, why do we give it so much attention? Should I feel guilty for being drawn to it? I am sort of feeling like I need to figure out the answer to this. It may mean different things for different people or maybe you don't give a damn at all. But, I will fill you in when this frickin epiphany hits me, I promise.

In the meanwhile, I will be trying to post information that might somehow enlighten you or make you better. If for some reason, that might involve a celebrity or two... I will find the reason and share how you too will spiritually benefit from this auspicious news ;) And if you have a story or some bit of glorious information that everyone needs to know, by all means hit the comment button and share, share, share!

Really though, do you think I am taking this all too seriously? Ha ha.

Am I crazy that I love this song?



“Dead Prez is a socially and politically conscious rap group that intends to shed light on situations of the oppressed,” said Derrick Alridge, an assistant professor at Vanderbilt University, who teaches a class entitled “The Hip-Hop Mind.”
This song is called Hip Hop by Dead Prez. It has a cool cruizin on the strip vibe to it.
You can just imagine the front of your car bouncing to it, can't you? What do you think? Love it or hate it?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=22216089167117628&sourceid=zeitgeist

Monday, July 03, 2006

Hot Mamas and Poor Babies

The Hot Mamas




Kelly Ripa and her son spent the day strolling through Central Park. She is just the cutest mom. She is always with her kids doing fun things! Very important.




Rachel Hunter on the beach in Barbados this weekend. Don't know where her kids are, but she is in Barbados making women across the globe eat one less french fry.
What do you think...Spray tan or suntan?


The Poor Babes



Does Kelly Clarkson's stylist hate her or what?

Poor Jessica Alba


If the paparazzi can follow this goddess of beauty around and take a picture like this, they should be ashamed of themselves! Do you think they get more money for a bad photo of a celeb or a pretty one?

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Your New Favorite Song



I don't consider myself to be a huge folk music person, but here is something for you to love! For any of you who like Jack Johnson or Ben Harper, this is sure to be your next favorite artist. His name is Jose Gonzalez and he is a very talented Swedish Argentinian folk musician. Follow the link to one of his greatest songs called Heartbeats. It will stay with you. The video is simple, but the song is absolutely better than... well about as good as a Belgian chocolate bar. If you want to find more of Gonzalez's music, this song is from an album called Veneer and it is on itunes. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4_4abCWw-w

A Great Rental and One to See in the Theater



The World's Fastest Indian

This movie with Anthony Hopkins is a great movie for anyone who loves to see interesting, quirky characters. It is based on a documentary filmed from 1971 about a man named Burt Munro. This guy is a kick! He is from New Zealand and wants to break the world's record on his 1920's Indian motorcycle. It is an inspirational feel good movie but also a great film. It should have won a lot of awards last year, but went unnoticed. Anthony Hopkins' performance is brilliant! The cinematography is breath taking. Rent it!
Also, watch the documentary from the 70s in the special features section. It is beautifully shot and you can see the real Burt!



A Scanner Darkly
Coming to Theaters July 7
Have you missed Winona Ryder? Robert Downey Jr? Woody Harrelson? Keanu? Me neither. Okay, maybe Robert Downey Jr, but I am sure you have seen those commercials that look as if they are shot on film but after a moment, you realize they are animated. Well, this film is the same deal. Very cool to look at, mind boggling. A Scanner Darkly is supposed to be a fantastic independent film (only because it is so non-traditional). And if you are looking for cheap thrills, people are making a big deal over Winona's topless scene in this flick. Bet your running out to get your tickets now ;)

Anyway, check out the trailer and let me know what you think.

http://wip.warnerbros.com/ascannerdarkly/

A Chocoholics Dream



One thing is certain in my life, I have always been a lover of chocolate. I am not the kind of person who will go for the jelly beans or the Necco wafers. I figure, why waste the calories? But, if chocolate is in the vicinity, I am there! I've been known to sneak out and attack a vending machine in search of a good chocolate fix. There have also been trips to the local candy store that have gone unbeknownst to anyone because the candy never made it home.

When I was pregnant, my cravings went beyond uncontrollable. Everyday, I made brownies, chocolate chip cookies, cakes (and ate the frosting right out of the tub with a spoon!) and pumpkin bread with Guittard milk chocolate chips (the best!). I ate Snickers, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats and boxes of See's candy (that a loving family member would bring over and then call me "fat" when I was done eating the box). Anyway, you get the point, chocoholic? Yes, that's me. Love the stuff. It's like a drug.

Actually, when I was pregnant with my third daughter, I remember reading about a study where they found that babies whose mother's ate chocolate everyday were happier than those whose mothers didn't. I needed to read that, right? More chocolate please! And if it made the babies happy, then it must be good for mom too! I'm still eating chocolate everyday just to ward off the blues. Problem is, I have 5-10 pounds that I can't kick until the chocolate stops. I'm starting to like my extra curves though. Plus, there is no way I can give up chocolate!

Anyway, the Belgians (who make the world's best chocolate) have heard my calling and are building a chocolate theme park! Modeled after Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory in Dahl's brilliant book, it will be built in an underground train tunnel complete with a chocolate fountain and glass elevator.

Anyone want to grab the kids in two years and go to Amsterdam with me? I hear they have other fun things to do there too (but we might need to get a sitter)!

To read the full story go to:
http://today.reuters.com/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-06-30T154256Z_01_L29879319_RTRUKOC_0_US-DUTCH-CHOCOLATEFACTORY.xml&src=rss&rpc=22